Final Fantasy: All The Bravest Review: Pay $3.99, Lose Your Soul!

Posted: 01/30/2013 in Video Game Reviews
Tags: , , ,

By Keith Crandell

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Final Fantasy: All The Bravest is the latest entry into the Final Fantasy series, one of a wide variety of notoriety, infamy, and success. All The Bravest is by far the worst entry in this wonderful series, insultingly so. The plot is nonexistent, and the premise is equally lousy.

On the day of an eclipse, dimensions collide and Final Fantasy characters from Final Fantasy I-XIII gang up to battle villains. Extremely overpowered villains, who can kill teams of up to 40 characters in literally a single hit. All The Bravest’s battle style is so simple that it’s downright boring; each on up to 40 heroes on screen can attack a foe at random after waiting a brief period, simply by tapping on them. Or, if you’re feeling particularly lazy, or as boring as this game, you can simply swipe your finger up and down the screen, and hope for the best. That’s it. Period.

When all of your characters get killed in their single hit, because they’re useless and all, the game waits for them to respawn. A single character will come back into battle after a three minute wait. That’s not a three minute wait from the time they’re killed, that’s a queued line that ends up taking up to three hours if you have the full number of party members. Or, if you want to get right back to the nonexistent action you can use an Hourglass to speed that right along. You get a few for free, but you’ll go through those quickly. If you’re feeling rich, you can get more, for a price. Similarly, besides the generic classes that unlock automatically as the player “progresses” through the game, premium characters can be purchased, at random, for $.99 each. There are 35 of them. There are also three premium worlds that you can purchase for addition mediocrity for a mere $3.99 each.

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Yeah. So. This “game” is horrible. Don’t buy it. If you want something to do mindlessly for a few minutes at a time, this is as close to “great” as a use you’ll ever get out of this game. I bought this game in the spirit of Final Fantasy week (month at this point, really) and because I had extra iTunes money. I would NEVER pay my own money for this game. I beat it, bought a total for three characters, which actually worked out well for me because I got Zidane from Final Fantasy IX, Vaan from Final Fantasy XII (whom I hate, from a game that I hate, but his attack was cool), and Snow from Final Fantasy XIII. I refused to purchase any of the additional content besides those three, just like I would refuse to recommend this game to anyone or ever play it again.

Wrap Up:

This game is abysmal, and is an extremely ugly mark on the series. May God have mercy on the souls of those who actually gave into this cash cow scheme with their own money.

+ High nostalgic value

+ Cool to see classic Final Fantasy Characters as sprites

-Everything else

-Pay to play is literally the name of the game

-Insulting to fans

– Square Enix proves they have completely lost their minds

– I’m starting to lose faith in Square Enix entirely

Score: 0.5/10

Keith Crandell Jr. is a Political Science major at Slippery Rock University, and believes that comedy can be found in just about anything. His favorite Playstation 3 game is Flower, and he has 30 Platinum Trophies (much to the disappointment of his mother). Follow his insanity on Twitter @kmcrandelljr and continue to read his reviews at www.thosereviewguys.wordpress.com so he can do more awesome things like this!

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